Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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