I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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