Soap is not a condiment
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
