Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
