I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
