you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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