he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
