my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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