I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
