What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
