No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
