I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
