Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
