I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
