You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
