And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
