toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
