I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
