Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
