she woke up with a sticky ear
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
