Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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