In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
