Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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