well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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