So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did you just send me my own nude
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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