awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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