just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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