Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
