i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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