look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
