So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
