Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
