Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Randomize
