God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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