When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
