Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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