Do you still have your period?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
