this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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