I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
