im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someone shattered a urinal.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
