Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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