well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
