Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
