I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
