I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
