I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
