my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
