So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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