Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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