Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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