Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
