It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
