you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
