Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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