Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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